March 31

wow! so i missed 3 days! lol. so its 3 in the morning and the labor pains have come..They're pretty strong but still only 5-7 minutes apart.and the snotty nurse up at the L&D said I cant come in until there 3 minutes apart and I was like well my Dr. said to come in when they're 5 minutes apart.but anyways..so now im chilling at home writing this.lol.this is going to be really short but i just wanted to update ya'll :-)


for some reason this blog cracked me up..hehehe

March 28

So I cant sleep.lol..Its 3.21 in the morning and Im surfing YouTube..yeah im cool..your not!


So i came across these videos about this group called Code: Pink..Im not exactly sure what they stand for, other than they hate the war and want it to stop? Now Im all for stopping this war to..I hate it..It took someone from me that I love very much.But isnt there other ways to express your "hate" for the war than running around acting like an idiot, disrupting Congressional Hearings and getting yourself arrested? These people make me so angry!!!! Did they forget about 9-1-1 and all of our soldiers dying overseas just so they can have the right to scream their songs and run around acting ridiculous? Im not gonna lie I want this war to be over just as much as the next person but seriously!!!

Another extremist group.lol..Westboro Baptist Church. These people are horrible!!!!!! They spread the message of hate and whatever else it is they do..They are even worse than this Code Pink group. :-\ According to them God hates everyone! Which is totally not true.


(previous blog about them)

enraged

so i started watching this video on youtube about the Westboro Baptist Church..I dont know how many of you have heard of them but if your military affiliated then you have.

These people go around and pickett military funerals, and things of that nature. This makes me sick..I cant believe that people would do something like this!!! its horrible!..Here we have people fighting over in different countries so these so called Christians can have the freedom of speech to stand on the street corners and promote messages of hate to the passerbyers!and stand there and say that the military is wrong and all of the other horrible things!!

They recently came to Jacksonville about 3 weeks ago and protested in front of Camp Lejeune or around the area.This absoutley angers me..Now im not going to lie..Im not a huge supporter of the war...it taking someone from me that i dearly love.this war is taking my husband away whos going to miss some important moments in life..but you know what.that is something I have to deal with! and even though im not for it...im not going to scream he horrible things they say about soldier and our country!!

I think theyre biggest thing is they preach the message of God Hates America..I was raised in a Christian home and taught the message that God loves everyone.granted God is not happy with the way this world is .but to sit there and say that God hates them? I dont believe that.They take following Gods commandments to the highest level of following something you can take it to.and its ridiclious.Yes I believe your supposed to follow what God says your supposed to do.but to the extent that they do?I dont remember it anywhere in the bible where it says to teach your 3 year old to sing songs that portray hating america..or making my 5 year old hold up a sign saying God Hates Fags! that is horrid! Several of the kids where interviewd on tv..and they where asked the question of what a "fag" was...shocking the kids didnt even know what that word ment.They run around and call us Americans fag enablers because we apperently press the homosexuality movement on everyone.

My best friend is a homosexual person and I love him dearly.It is not my place to judge him because he does not press his choose of lifestyle on me and I greatly respect him for that!


I recently watched the Jeremy Kyle show and he had them on there and it was fantastic!! They where asked questions and they dodged around them pretty expertly.They never really even answered the questions that where thrown at them!!

im sorry I just had to get this out...it didnt really come out the way that I wanted it to ..but I believe it portrays a bit of what i feel.Probably boring but.ahhhh it angers me! lol.

thanks for letting me somewhat vent :)










ahhh so yes..that about sums it up...not quite but still :-) crazy people

March 27

wow 2 posts in 1 day..you all should feel special :-)


So i had a Dr's appointment today...Terribly disappointingly.lol..only thing the Dr said was to keep my bags packed by the door because it could be any time now..He said it could even be tonight..I doubt that..but Im crossing my fingers..I was hoping Id go in and theyd ship me off to the hospital.lol. so now Im in a horrible mood.lol..I just wish hed come already :-)


Brandon called this morning..yay...He didn't really have a lot to say.but it doesnt matter..im just happy he called. I wish it was October already :-\


anyways.i just wanted to update everyone on the Dr situation. When I actually do leave for the hospital I will post a message.lol..just so I dont have to call every1..I do have a lot of people to call and I cant find all the phone numbers so I figured this would just be easier.so please dont be offended.lol...this is just faster for me..plus I want to try and get ahold of Brandon first...not sure if that'll happen first..but we'll see..



xoxoxoxoxo

March 27

So apparently I didnt post yesterday? Ooops.lol


So today I have a Dr's appt at around noon...I am so hoping for good news..If not Im still asking to be induced.lol..As Ive said before Im sick and tired of being pregnant.This is so getting insane.lol..

I got to talk to Brandon last night..well we emailed back and forth for like 2 hours so that was really nice.he said he was going to email me when he got 2 work today but so far he hasnt..hes supposed to call this morning so I hope he does. I haven't talked to him on the phone in like 2 days I think? but its ok..Im just glad he gets to email alot.:-)











other than that not alot is going on..Im planning to take a trip to Chicago hopefully around Labor Day weekend...hopefully anyways..we'll see what happens.plus Brandon and I are taking a trip when he gets back...kinda like a very delayed anniversary trip.lol.I cant believe my birthday is next month! woohoo!!!Ill be 22...Brandon turns 23 this year.so we're both getting old..hahaha...We're supposed to be trying to buy a house around the begennig of the New Year...so hopefully that goes smoothly..once again we'll see what happens..so im thinking I should probably get to bed.lol...



xoxoxoxoxo

Emotional Cycle of a Deployment

EMOTIONAL CYCLE OF DEPLOYMENT

Getting ready for a deployment starts long before the spouse actually leaves. Many people tend to:
a) Ignore/deny that the deployment will actually happen.
B) Fantasize that the ship will sink before the Marines and Sailors get on it, or that something will happen so their spouse does not have to leave.
c) Try to avoid the recognition of the reality of departure- that a small event, a date or a commonplace happening will trigger an emotional and/or cognition of the fact that the departure is eminent and real.

Thus the cycle begins:

STAGE ONE- ANTICIPATION OF DEPARTURE- from 1-6 weeks prior to leaving, people may experience:
1) Difficulty accepting the reality of leaving or separating
2) Crying unexpectedly at "silly' things-- allow this to happen as it is essential to release the varying emotions
3) Feel an increase of tension, arguments may occur
4) A cramming in of activities/projects-- fixing up the house, lawn mower, washing machine, etc.
5) Experiencing feelings of anger, frustration and emotional distance between a couple
6) Some couples dent the separations likely occurrence by putting off the chores, discussions, etc., not facing the inevitable, procrastinating on projects
7) Difficulty in intimacy and sexual relations. It is hard to feel warm and loving when feelings angry at each other. Some say "It's easier just to let him go," or an increase in activities such as hanging on, or fearing the loss of lover/support person may occur
8) Symptoms of restlessness, irritability, anxiety, feeling an inability to cope and concern about the changes in the home environment that will occur
9) A sense of panic even though good plans have been made and most of the chores done

STAGE TWO- DETACHMENT AND WITHDRAWAL- Last week before departure- A difficult stage where some people may experience:
1) A sense of despair
2) Feeling the marriage is out of control, feeling a desire to separate, to run away to lessen the pain
3) A lack of energy, feeling so fatigue, depression
4) Difficulty in making decisions or keeping self together
5) Ambiguous towards one's partner and sex. It is difficult to be physically intimate when trying to separate emotionally. This should be viewed as a reaction to deployment rather than rejection of each other
6) A stopping of sharing of thoughts and feelings

***Remember these feelings and events are normal- your marriage is not generally breaking up or going down the tubes. Though you are both together in the same house, you are mentally and emotionally preparing for the separation. This is a necessary adjustment to reality.

Sometimes wives think "If you have to go, go" and the husband thinks "Let's get on with it so we can get it over with." Or vice versa depending on which spouse is leaving. Everyone will survive this stage!!!

STAGE THREE- EMOTIONAL DISORGANIZATION- Begins at the start of separation and can last up to 6 weeks into deployment. Partners of experience:
1) Shock when the deployment finally arrives, a feeling that preparation has not been adequate
2) An initial sense of relief that the pain of saying goodbye is finally over, may be followed by feelings of guilt and emotional turmoil- "If I love him, why am I relieved he's gone?"
3) Feeling numb, aimless and without purpose as old routines have been disrupted and new ones have not been established
4) Depression and the desire to withdraw from the world, family, and friends, especially if friends' husbands are home
5) Feeling of being overwhelmed by responsibility and trying to be everything and do it all
6) Sleep disruption- due to loss of security and the support person; tendency to sleep too much (to escape) or too little. Eating disorders may also come to light, or become worse
7) Feeling anger at the husband for not doing everything that needed to be done around the home fro safety/security reasons
8) Feeling anger towards the Marine Corps for taking spouse away when you needed him/her the most
9) Felling restless, confused, disorganized, indecisive, and irritable at everyone, especially the children
10) Feeling guilty for things that did not (or did) happen before separation

***Getting "stuck" at this stage can create an unwillingness to move on emotionally and can be detrimental to healthy adjustment

STAGE FOUR- RECOVERY AND STABILIZATION- Variable between weeks 3-5- For most people, begins several weeks and lasts until about a month before return. Most people begin to:
1) Realize at some point, usually by midway in the deployment, that "Hey, I'm doing OK."
2) Establish a new family pattern that works for them
3) Feel more comfortable with their situation , self, and the reorganization of roles and responsibilities
4) Complete successful experience, which ass to self-confidence and feeling of being able to cope
5) Reach out for support though friends, church, work, wives groups, etc.
6) Eat "cruise food" to save time/energy and to choose priorities- let some things go to have more time
7) Have higher long distance telephone bills- but must learn to keep within budget
8) Go thought the "my syndrome- my house, my car, my kids, etc.
9) Appear more mature and independent as "single" wives- you have developed new activities, accepted more responsibilities to fill the void- while secure in being married
10) Experience more sickness, initially, as increased responsibilities are more stressful until healthy coping skills are practiced
11) Feel vulnerable due to isolation from the husband and even family. Wives may feel uncertain of their abilities and may experience self-doubt
12) Feel asexual- no longer in need of sex or affection- or feel estranged due to suppressed needs and desires. Some women see themselves as unattractive and stop caring for themselves
13) Minor crisis can put person back into the disorganization stage

STAGE FIVE- ANTICIPATION OF RETURNING- About 4-6 weeks, prior to spouse coming home, people begin to feel a sense of anticipation "He's coming home and I'm not ready!"
1) Compile a long list of things still left to do and begin to pick up the pace to get things done
2) Experience feelings of joy, excitement in anticipation of the spouse's return and being together again
3) Experience feelings of fear and apprehension. "Does he still love me?" "Will he have changed?" "Will he have like what I've done?"
4) Clean house of activities required to fill the void- now- to make room for the man again. Some resentment may be felt at having to give up some of the things and having to change again
5) Experience process of evaluating- "I want him back but what am I going to give up?"
6) Feel tense, nervous and apprehensive- burying fears/concerns in busy work and activities
7) Experience a sense of restlessness again but it is generally productive. Some spouses may feel confused due to the conflicting emotions they are having
8) Put off important decisions until the husband's home gain
9) Experience changes in eating and sleeping patterns developed while the spouse was gone
10) Children also go through a range of emotions and react to the temperament of the parent

STAGE SIX- RETURN ADJUSTMENT AND RENEGOTIATION- First 6 weeks home- The return to home and family stage. The husband and wife are back together physically but are not emotionally adjusted to being together. They still may feel distance and have trouble sharing decisions or talking to each other. Be patient, this stage will take time to complete.
The husband and wife:
1) Need to refocus on the marriage- share experiences, feelings and needs and avoid forcing issues on each other
2) May stop being "single" married spouse and start bering married again
3) May feel a loss of freedom and independence- feel disorganized and out of control as "deployment" routines are disrupted
4) Need to renegotiate roles and responsibilities. Husbands often feel isolated, unwanted, unneeded, which can cause arguments and hurt feelings for both partners
5) Need to be aware that too much togetherness can cause friction due to having been apart so many weeks/months
6) Need to begin to share the decision-making hat should be "their" decision
7) Need to increase their time to talk together and with the children. They may want to plan special activities of short duration as a couple and as a family.
8) Will need to progress slowly with desired sexual relations, which may fall short of expectations. This can be frightening and produce intense emotions. Wives may feel like husband is a stranger and can be hesitant at first about intimate relations.
9) Need ot allow sufficient time to court each other before true intimacy can occur
10) May find questioning threatening and see their partner as being judgmental not just curious
11) May miss the friends that helped them through the separation or who served with them during the deployment

STAGE SEVEN- REINTEGRATION AND STABILIZATION- Sometimes within 6-12 weeks after homecoming, wives have stopped referring to "my" car, house, kids, and returns to using "we" or "our" and husbands feel more at home, needed, accepted, and valued.
1) New routines have been established and adjusted to by the family.
2) Both partners are feeling more secure, relaxed, and comfortable with each other.
3) The couple and family are back on track emotionally and can enjoy warmth and closeness with each other and their children

There can be numerous variations to the cycle. Short deployments can be very disruptive and there is not enough time to get used to the spouse being gone or home. Trying to say "Hello" and "Goodbye" at the same time is especially difficult. Unexpected changes can also be very difficult to deal with for all concerned.

March 25

So Happy 10 Months to us today :-) YAY





Brandon was supposed to call this morning..but he didn't :-( Its ok though..He emailed yesterday. Finally figured out why he wasn't emailing me. lol...They gave him a new email address..I figured they would, they always do... But it usually doesn't take this long for them to get it ..Oh well its all figured out now.

I totally forgot how I was supposed to get ahold of Brandon once Alexander finally gets here.lol..Yeah I tried calling his command, yeah that was kinda embarrassing.lol...Oh well...still haven't gotten my question answered either...oh well I guess Ill just ask the hospital...I was told Im supposed to send a Red Cross message..but im giving birth at Mary Rutan Hospital and they have a reputation for never doing anything right? hahah..yeah sad isn't it.anyways











Not a whole lot is really going around here.boring ole Ohio.lol..some days it really sucks.i think i need to go eat some chocolate to make myself feel better.lol :-)




xoxoxoxoxo

march 24

Alrighty So I am really tired of being pregnant.lol..seriously I cant take another day of this. whoever decided 9 months was a good number ..wellllll I have a thing or to too say to them :-) HA..I am so ready...but anyways


Brandon called this morning. They apparently have a phone in the shop so he said he should be able to call everyday.Hopefully it works out that way because that is so awesome.

Tomorrow will be our10 months of being married anniversary :-) YAY I cant believe its almost been a year! I have no idea where that year went to either..Its amazing how time flies!!!



Oh I forgot..I went to the hospital last night. The baby hadn't moved :-( But anyways as of last night I was 3 cm dilated and 70 percent effaced..a big improvement since last Thursday where I wasn't dilated at all..I mistakenly wrote that :-( sorry guys.As of last Thursday he was just in a -1 station.So things are looking better everyday.It just gets disappointing as each day goes by and no sign of him.anyways...i think thats about it for today...im gonna go and do nothing :-)




xoxoxoxoxo

March 23rd

First off :





So Brandon finally called this morning :-) He called at 5.30 our time..A very good wake up call if you ask me.lol..So far things are going pretty good for them.He said its hot there.lol.but other then that he has no complaints....so far :-)

Today was Baby A's EDD...and he was a no show :-( at least as of 4 this afternoon.lol.I guess hes happier just floating around doing nothing.Oh well.I was so hoping he'd come today...but i guess not. Next Dr's appt is Thursday so hopefully they have better news for me this time around. Anyways I dont have a lot to write about today.I have to get abox ready to ship to Brandon so I have to go get that ready..




xoxoxox

March 22nd

So today was pretty boring.. Ive been having labor pains off and on all day but nothing for me to be rushing to the hospital for yet :-( sad I know.lol

I went with my sister to see Horton Heres a Who and I cried.lol.theres a part in there where the Mayor of Whoville.lol...the dad tells his son that hes the best son he could ever ask for and then IM crying in a theater full if little kids..hehehe..


Brandon hasn't called yet :-( or emailed :-( but its ok..im actually doing pretty good...well at least I think I am...I dont cry at night...at least not yet I dont. so thats a big plus for me..I was reading a blog about some girl who's husband is going to be gone for a year and Im so very thankful Brandon wont be gone anywhere near that long.I thought 6 months was bad...but I dont think I could handle a year.


anyways thats pretty much it for today..boring I know..lol..but oh well.this takes about 20 minutes of my time...and Im all about trying to make time go faster right now..heheh...


xoxoxox

march 21st

So i got to talk to Brandon last night..:-)

He was in Germany as of last night..sooooo he sent me an email with a phone number.lol..Turns out they're staying at some kind of hotel for the night so I got to talk to him for about an hour and then a couple of hours later right before they boarded for Afghanistan...talk about making my night :)

hehehe



anyways...not much to talk about right now..

Grandma bought Alexander a bunch of books today.lol...they're pretty cute.


so this is pretty boring...I had hoped to go to a movie tonight but I think thats out..plus theres nothing interesting...well I did want to see Horton Heres A Who...but oh well. :-)



xoxoxoxoxoxo

March 20th

So I had a doctor's appointment today.and yay....its almost over :-)

The baby is around a -1 station so thats good and around 1 centimeters
dilated..I am so glad because I want this to be over with :-) On another note
the lil guy inst so little anymore.lol .Hes measuring around 8lbs. I guess daddy's
gonna get his wish on a big baby :)






I havent heard from Brandon, but he said he wouldnt be able to email or call till
at least this weekend. So im not really that worried..Although I did come home
from the Dr's today and I was gonna call him and then I remembered...hes gone
Its kinda weird not being able to come home and just pick up the phone.but anyways
hopefully they got safely to Germany. It'll apparently take 3 days to get to Afghanistan. so yep.

April is comming up...man...i cant believe it...April is gonna be so busy this year..I have a ton of birthdays among other things.lol



well thats it for now...

updates later :)



xoxoxox

March 19 2007

So today I shipped my husband of to Afghanistan :(

I thought it was going to be harder that it actually was..which for me being pregnant is kinda weird.lol

He was scheduled to leave in February but of course that didnt happen. So we packed up our house and moved me back to live with parents..Yep Im living with my parents while hes gone..it works :-) but anyways so when February fell though..they switched to March.. He was supposed to leave a few weeks ago.towards the beginning of March...but once again that didn't happen.sooo
to make a very very long story short..He left about 1/2 hour ago :(

I will miss him so very much...But its only 7 monthes.and thanks for everyone who asked.......yes I'll be fine


On to other news...Baby Alexander is still not here..but I think he'll be here sooner than I think? if that makes any sense whatsoever.lol.

Ive been crazily arranging and rearranging his wardrobe holders.lol.I cant stop going through his clothes and apparently thats a huge sign of impending labor.lol.a weird one...but yes...I am so hoping he's here by the weekend..I am more than ready to get this over with. I cant wait to meet this little miracle that Ive waited 9 month's to meet..Granted Daddy wont meet him till hes almost 7 months but we're sorta prepared for this :-) I think thats it for today..Im gonna try and write everyday but you'll understand if I don't. This is mostly so Brandon can read this while hes gone..Ill do more 2morrow


love you all


xoxoxoxo